It Happened One Night
by undertoad
Summary: RayNeela fic. Begins following the events of S12. No mention of any events in S13 except the NeelaTony mistake. Essentially, after not speaking for months, Neela finds herself on Ray's doorstep.
1. Chapter 1

Title: It Happened One Night

Author: Undertoad

Rating: This part I guess is PG?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.

Spoilers: Everything through season 12 has happened in this universe. A bit of this is based on spoilers for season 13.

Content Warning: Maybe a dirty word?

Summary: A friend in need.

It was easy to avoid him when she was doing her surgical rotation. For the most part it kept her out of the ER. But occasionally she did still have to consult. And then there was always those times when they happened to work the same shift or run into each other in the break room or at the Jumbo Mart. They were polite, like colleagues but not like friends. To say it was awkward between them was an understatement.

She felt guilty every time she looked at him.

Originally the guilt was due to the fact that she had _more than friendly_ feelings for her former roommate when she had been married. And then, when she discovered her husband was gone, she felt that she deserved to feel guilty whenever her eyes fell on Ray. She had spent more time with him than her husband. She had lived with him. She knew how he took his coffee and every time he did his trademark smirk there was this feeling that it gave her that she never felt with Michael.

She knew that she had loved Michael. But she didn't know how she felt about Ray. And that scared her.

But now she felt guilty for pushing him away. He had only tried to help. She had brushed him off, closed off, and leaned on everybody but him. And then there was Tony.

Tony Gates, the flirtatious paramedic that she had done a ride-along with was her new boyfriend. Did she like him? Most of the time. Did she miss him when he wasn't around? Not unless she was feeling particularly lonely or Michael was drifting to the forefront of her thoughts.

But where did she go when she really needed somebody? To Ray.

Which is where she found herself at one in the morning on a Tuesday. It was raining but she had barely registered that fact on her long walk from the hospital to his apartment. _The apartment they use to share together_.

She knocked and waited for quite a bit. She heard him shuffling around on the other side of the door. She blushed inwardly recalling that he had mentioned to her once that before he had a roommate he liked to sleep naked.

She didn't hear him shuffling around anymore. She wondered if he had finally managed to make it to the door, had looked through the peephole, and was debating about whether or not he should open the door. Did she deserve his kindness after what she had done to him?

If only she had just let him help her then maybe she wouldn't be in the situation that she was in now.

He opened the door and was obviously startled.

"Hey." She managed out.

"Neela," He said just above a whisper, his voice slightly hoarse from sleep.

Ray moved out of her way enough so that she could squeeze in. He shut the door and took the time to lock it.

She was studying the apartment and taking in the subtle differences in it since she had last been there. It felt like forever ago. When she finally turn to meet his eyes her own were starting to water up.

"This was a _mistake_," She paused, "I shouldn't have come. Especially at such a late hour; uninvited. You were probably sleeping or _entertaining_ and I _know better_."

She took a step towards the door and he grabbed her arm to hold her back. He knew she wouldn't have come unless it was important.

"We're _alone_, Neela. Tell me what's wrong."

She bit her lip and stole a glance at his eyes, her guilt creeping up on her again.

She sighed as she quickly brushed off the wetness underneath her eyes, "I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have. Just _let me go_, Ray."

He released her arm and it fell to her side. But neither of them moved.

"If that's what you want, go. But _you_ came to me. Something must be going on. And I can't help you unless you tell me what it is."

He brushed some fallen hair off her forehead so that he could see her eyes better and leaned his head down slightly so that he was closer to her, "_And I want to help_."

She looked up slightly and panicked at how close they were. Their lips were within inches of one another. She watched him lick his lips and for a moment all she thought about was what it would be like to kiss him.

But reality always has a way of sneaking up at the worst times and she immediately pulled away. He let his chin fall to his chest as he let out a sigh. He combed his fingers mindlessly through his spikes and raised his eyes up to meet hers.

He looked slightly irritated, "_Neela…_"

He lost his voice or did not know what else to say. She sent up a silent prayer that her news would not hurt him anymore than she already had. But she figured that such a request would be asking too much.

"I'm pregnant."

His expression was blank for a moment as if he words were not fully comprehended. And slowly she saw him attempting to connect the dots…or more specifically, the dates. A moment later confusion etched his features before he finally settled on a look of melancholy.

"With _Tony Gates_ kid?" He spit out, unable to help himself.

He turned away from her and she took a hesitant step forward and grabbed his arm, "_No._"

His eyes traced her form quickly. She was not yet showing. She would have been showing if it were Michael's child. So who was the father?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes at bottom of this chapter. **

Title: It Happened One Night (Chapter 2)

Author: Undertoad

Rating: PG-13

Content Warning: Language.

The words cruel and unusual punishment came to mind.

He needed to sit down. He couldn't look at her as she found a seat across from him. He was on the couch and she was sitting on the coffee table that they had bought together. She use to yell at him for sitting there. And he had thought then that things had been _complicated_ between them. Well, he'd gladly give up their current situation and go back to that one—in a heartbeat.

"What the hell, Neela," He began, sounding more bitter than he intended, "Why come to me? You _ignore_ me at work like I'm the fucking plague and then you show up here at God knows what time and expect _what_ from me, exactly? Congratulations?"

As the words came out of his mouth he regretted the way they were said. But being angry was easier than feeling anything else at the present moment.

He stood up and crossed the room. He had to get away from her. He heard her shuffle behind him and her soft steps towards him. She didn't get too close.

"I didn't want things to end up like this between us Ray. You have to at least know that if you ever knew me at all." She offered, just barely above a whisper.

He had _thought_ that he knew her. And months ago he would have staked his life on that fact. But presently he felt as though the woman before him was akin to the people he treated in the ER—practically a stranger. But this was worse. The woman before him was a stranger with the face of the woman he loved.

He turned to face her and offered in exhaustion, "You didn't answer me. Why are you here?"

"Because I don't know what to do, Ray. This wasn't something I planned. I'm so scared I'm going to make the wrong choice…_like I did with you_." She paused, tearfully, "I figured that its one thing if my life's for shit. But this _baby_ didn't have a choice in the matter. I need to do the right thing here. And you, probably better than anyone, know that my judgment has been a little skewed of late. Despite everything, _I still trust you above anyone else_. And I figured that if anyone would be able to help me than it would be you."

"I don't have a fucking clue…" He began, honestly.

He let out a breath that he had not known that he was holding and watched her across the room. She fidgeted on her feet and kept clenching and unclenching her fists. She was looking down at the floor, which caused her hair to fall and conceal her face from him. He knew that she was crying. He couldn't stand it when she cried.

He crossed the room and closed the space between them. He hesitated briefly before taking her in his arms. It was awkward for a moment before they both settled in. She said nothing as she cried against his chest. He rubbed her back soothingly as her small body was wrecked with silent sobs. She was shivering against him and he pulled her tighter only to realize that she was soaked. She had been rained on.

"You're soaked," He muttered against her hair, "you need to take care of yourself."

She said nothing.

He pulled back from their embrace, "I'll get you some dry clothes."

When he returned from his bedroom she was in the same place that he had left her. He helped her off with her jacket and did not hesitate to reach for the hem of her shirt. He paused and waited for her to react in some way but when their eyes met he saw no resistance. He took the hem of her shirt and helped her off with it. He followed suit with her shoes, socks, and pants.

She was left standing there in her underwear. And he couldn't help himself from giving her a once over. He noticed a few of the slight changes in her body. For a moment he could not take his eyes away from her stomach and its slight swell.

_She was carrying a child and it wasn't his. He hadn't ever thought about children. He generally thought of them as a nuisance. But right now it was painful—in every way possible—to see that she was carrying another man's child._

Her teeth were chattering slightly when he draped a blanket over her shoulders from behind. She clutched the blanket at her chest and it was then that their eyes met. He picked up the clothes he had carried into the room with him and held them out to her.

This time she took the shirt from him--t_he very same shirt she had left him with on the curb that night_—and shuffled towards the bathroom to change.

She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later in his fresh clothes and wrapped up in the blanket. He was sitting on the couch and this time she sat beside him. He pulled her into the crook of his arm and rubbed her shoulder lazily through the blanket.

It was only when he felt her settle comfortably against him that he finally broke his silence.

"You don't have to decide on anything right now," He paused, "But no matter what you do you need to tell the father."

He felt her stiffen slightly beside him, "I'm positive it is not anything he wants to hear."

"But he has the right to hear it."

"Like you said," She paused with a yawn, "Nothing has to be decided right now."

With her small body tucked against him he couldn't help but feel slightly better about their situation. Granted, it was a complicated situation. And he had never expected to find himself _here_ when he asked her to be his _roomie_ but for a moment it was enough to just have her there. They would figure out the rest—eventually—but tonight the woman he loved was tucked safely in his arm asleep and he couldn't help but close his eyes and drift off. It was the first time in a long while that they both slept peacefully.

Thank you for all the reviews. I never expected that so many people would read this.  Thank you all for waiting patiently for me to update. I'm not always able to have access to a computer. 

**Also, Alik22, in regards to your question: Spoilers for S13 used in this story consist of Neela's "romance" with Tony Gates. I wish I had more to spoil you with! **

**Alexandria Dunas: Livejournal? I don't have a journal on that site.**


	3. Chapter 3

Title: It Happened One Night (Chapter #3)

Author: Undertoad

Rating: PG

Content Warning: Maybe a word or two…

**Italics are flashback/dream of Neela's. Notes at the end.  
**

When they had lived together, Neela had always been the early riser. She did not like to be rushed. She liked having time to spare in case anything unexpected might arise. Like, for instance, when Ray's _overnight guests_ or band mates decided to use the shower for forty-five minutes.

The last few months, because of her trouble sleeping, that had changed. Whenever she could grab a few minutes she would take them. That often meant rushing to get ready for work and, as of late, getting to work generally fifteen minutes late.

She woke up before Ray. It was weird, to say the least, to wake up in _their_ apartment and know that it was no longer theirs. It was his alone.

She had no real home.

She was subletting Abby's place. But as Abby had said in her own words, the apartment was no place to raise a child. Abby, of course, had mentioned this offhand to Neela about her child. Abby had no idea of Neela's _predicament_. They weren't exactly as close as they use to be.

Abby had taken to treating Neela like a china doll since Michael's death. Abby no longer spoke to Neela about her Luka issues or anything else related to her personal life. Neela understood in a way, figuring that Abby assumed that she would not want to hear about all her _baby makes three_ experiences. But she missed her friend.

That was one of the reasons that Neela had become so close with Tony Gates. He didn't treat her any differently then he had before Michael's death. Granted, they hadn't known each other for all that long, but it was a welcome change from the usual. Everyone else at the hospital always had that same look in their eyes: pity.

She didn't want their pity.

She just wanted everything back to _normal_. Well, as close to normal as she could get. But she knew that this baby was going to make the road ahead a lot harder than it would have been.

For a long while after Michael had passed, Neela had been content with just going through the motions. But she quickly found it to be a very lonely and painful existence. It was hard to see her friends pity her but just as hard to stay away from them so she wouldn't have to.

She had never realized before then just how much she liked having someone to come home to or someone to call at the end of the night; even someone to eat lunch with and chat about everything and nothing.

Growing up she had never had a moment's peace at home and had often prayed that she'd get some time to herself. Now that she had it—she found out that it wasn't at all like she imagined it would be. The silence was what really got to her. She couldn't sit still. She had to do something to occupy her time.

Time was a blur of work, television, beer, and even a few cigarettes. She knew better. But being a healthy and functioning member of society was not at the top of her list.

Neela knew that her grief was not anything unique to her. She'd been to funerals and lost distant relatives but had never lost someone close to her. She didn't know how to deal with it.

Medical school had taught her how to manage death and maintain a professional demeanor in the face of tragedy. So she knew how to detach herself and how to behave at work. But using the same strategies in her personal life had been wholly ineffective. She felt numb. Ever since she had returned to work she felt as though she was on display. She felt as though they were all watching her, waiting for her to break down like she was expected to.

Whenever they asked she was always "fine". And for a while she thought she was. But living numb was no way to live. And the night she _broke_, he was there. One moment he had been comforting her and the next moment they were in her bed. It wasn't about sex or companionship—it was about letting herself feel something.

It was weeks later, while she was leaning over the toilet seeing her lunch--in the five minutes she had between surgeries--that she suddenly figured out what might be happening. By then, she hadn't talked to the man in question for weeks and she convinced herself it was the flu.

But, just in case, she no longer _self-medicated_ herself with alcohol or cigarettes. She quit cold turkey and found out that withdrawal was a bitch. But it was easy to blame all of her symptoms on withdrawal.

But her symptoms didn't go away with time.

It was becoming a problem at work—she had run out of excuses. So before her shift on Monday morning she had made an appointment with Dr. Coburn.

On Tuesday she had worked late into the night and had made the mistake of picking up the results of her pregnancy test right after. Had she waited she might not have wound up walking through the pouring rain to Ray's doorstep or have found herself in his arms.

Because for the last few months _this_ was exactly where she had wanted to be.

She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest and hear his heart beat. She closed her eyes and willed herself to go back to sleep. It had been months since she'd had a decent night's sleep and the irony that she had found it with him was not lost on her. She didn't want to get up just yet even though she knew she should.

--

When the tears started again her head was against his bare chest. She could feel the change in how he held her against him. And she knew that he felt guilty, just as guilty as she felt.

_She chastised herself for not calling on Abby instead. She knew that at Abby's she would likely just get in the way—with the new baby and all—but Abby would have let her and _this _definitely would not have happened._

_Neela pulled away first so that he wouldn't feel compelled to hold her all night. She knew that he didn't want to but he would. She couldn't look at him._

_When he reached out for her, she pulled away. She stood, crossed the room, and went into the bathroom to change. _

_She took her time cleaning up and changing. When she was finished, she chose to sit on the side of the tub and wait for him to leave. She hoped that he would get the message. She didn't want to see him. But she knew that he would wait because she knew that he would want to make sure that she was okay._

_She wasn't. _This_ would not have happened if she was of sound mind._

_He knocked lightly on the door, "Neela?"_

_After she didn't respond he offered with concern in his voice, "Everything all right in there?"_

_She felt like saying "bloody wonderful" and plastering a fake smile on her face. She'd bet money that he'd believe it. _

"_I'll be out in a second." She offered, chickening out._

_She figured that once he was gone that she might be able to figure out how the hell they had ended up like this in the first place. _

_He was dressed when she came out of the bathroom. He sat on the unmade bed putting his shoes on. He stopped when he heard her at the door._

"_You okay?"_

"_No," She paused, frozen in the doorway, "I'm not."_

"_I didn't come over here to—"He began; she could hear the regret in his voice._

"_I know," She interrupted him, " We both know that this shouldn't have happened. I think it'll be best if we pretend that it didn't."_

"_Neela—"_

"_Please, just leave."_

_He stood and crossed the room towards her. He stopped a few feet away._

"_You use to talk to me. I thought that's why you needed me tonight. That is why I came over. I can still listen, Neela."_

_She couldn't look at him. She brushed past him towards the bed and pretended to focus her energy on making up the bed. She tried to make her voice seem detached from it all, "There is nothing left to say. It doesn't accomplish anything. No matter how much I talk about how I feel it isn't going to change anything. My husband is still dead. I am still alone."_

_He walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched away and made quick work of brushing the tears from her eyes before she met his gaze._

"_Neela, you have a lot of people that care about you. There are a lot of people that are trying to help you and you aren't helping yourself by pushing them away."_

"_It's easier like this," She paused, tearfully, "…just, please, go. I'm due at work early tomorrow."_

_She turned away from him and it seemed as though he finally got the idea._

_He sighed, "I'll see ya there," He paused, "Maybe you'll be more up for talking then."_

_They didn't speak at work. When they did see one another his eyes had a way of never meeting hers. _

--

When Ray woke up, Neela had fallen back to sleep. She was curled up against his side. Seeing her in daylight she looked exhausted still. He wondered inwardly if she had been having trouble sleeping like he had been.

He tried not to move so he wouldn't wake her. He figured she needed the sleep. He glanced at his watch and was surprised to find that it was still early. It wasn't even nine.

Her words from last night were still at the forefront of his thoughts.

_I'm positive it is not anything he wants to hear._

_He_ being the father of her baby; someone who was not Tony Gates or her deceased husband Michael. Judging by what he had seen of her last night he deduced that the _night_ in question had to have happened soon after she lost her husband. Perhaps even before Tony Gates even got into the picture.

Ray had a headache. And suddenly almost nine o'clock in the morning seemed like a good time for a beer. Or something stronger.

He felt her shift against him. He watched her as she slowly adjusted to wakefulness. When her eyes opened their eyes met and he could tell it took her a moment to remember the events of the night before. She pulled away from his embrace and suddenly his side felt vacant.

"Breakfast?" He offered, standing up quickly and trying his best to ignore the awkwardness of the entire situation.

She shook her head, "I'm good."

"When was the last time you had something to eat?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Lunch yesterday," She paused, "But I have no desire to see a meal twice this morning so I think I'm better off without."

"Neela, you—" He stopped in mid-sentence when her eyes found his, "…how about some juice, at least?"

A shadow of a smile graced her lips, "As long as it isn't that kiwi-strawberry stuff you like. As if I wasn't nauseous enough already."

He smiled back, albeit awkwardly, and poured her a glass of juice. She gave it a little sniff just to make sure it hadn't gone bad and took a sip. He watched her from over the rim of his own glass as she finished her juice.

He didn't know what to say. For months he had wanted this—to wake up with her in the morning, to have his _roomie_ back—but this was not at all how he figured it would happen. And he had definitely not expected her to be pregnant.

He swallowed thickly and combed his fingers though his spikes.

"I'll go check if you're clothes are dry." He muttered half-heartedly, before turning and leaving her alone in the room.

He picked up her clothes but lingered in the bathroom a little longer than necessary. He had never figured it would be this strained between them. Before this, everything had always flowed so well. They had known each other so well. Then, the only secret they had kept from each other, was how they felt.

"Ray?" Came her voice, summoning him to the other room.

She wasn't alone when he came back in the room.

_Shit_.

She made quick work of taking her things from him. She slipped on her pants and shoes but decided to forgo changing back into her shirt. She shrugged on her jacket and it was only then that she let her eyes meet his.

"I'll see you at work, Ray." She muttered before turning to leave.

He watched her get to the door before he called out her name. But she didn't turn or acknowledge that anything had been said. He was frozen in his spot for a moment before bypassing his guest and throwing open the door.

This time he wouldn't let her walk away so easily.

He took the stairs two at a time and caught up with her a block down from his building. He grabbed her arm and forced her to turn and meet his eyes.

"Neela—" He paused, taking a moment to steady his breathing.

"You don't owe me an explanation," She began, sounding defeated, "I would have known if I hadn't pushed you away. I'm _happy_ for you."

"But you're not happy." He stated like a fact.

Her eyes fell to the ground for a moment, "Let me go, Ray."

He pulled her closer, his voice barely above a whisper, "So you can avoid me—and everyone at work--and go through this alone? You came to me—has anything changed from last night?"

She shook her head; he could see tears welling up in her eyes, "It isn't fair for me to burden you with this. I haven't been a friend to you in months and I'm grateful for last night. But I was just a bit overwhelmed—but I'm _okay_ now."

She pulled her arm from his grasp and he let her. It fell to her side but she didn't move and neither did he.

"Do you remember that night when you came to my gig and reamed me for ditching that kid when he needed me?"

She nodded.

"You said that I abandoned him when he was making the most important decision of his life. He trusted my judgment and when I left he let his mom talk him out of it." He paused, "You came over last night because you said that you _trusted_ me and you didn't want to screw it up. And _I'm not going to let you_ just walk away. I told you last night that I wanted to help and that hasn't changed."

"But it has—you're seeing _someone_."

"What does that change between _us_? You were _married_ to Michael!"

She flinched when he mentioned Michael and he immediately regretted it. But she wasn't put off by what he said. She knew what his intention had been.

"You're right," she sighed, "…it doesn't change anything between _us_. It's always been there between us. But the timing is never right. Either I'm married or you're shagging your way through your groupies—doesn't that tell you something? I'm pregnant, Ray. There is another guy that is gonna be in my life for the foreseeable future and a kid to think about. Kids need stability. If _we _are meant to be, then it shouldn't be so hard. Maybe its better that we never try."

_Try_?

Try as in a relationship together? Ray got her point loud and clear.

Before he could say anything she offered, "I'm sorry I brought this to you. I know that I hurt you—not just with this, but over these last months. And I don't deserve your friendship but I appreciate the fact that you let me in, you listened, and you didn't pressure me to tell you more then I was comfortable with. But I need to do this myself—which is not to say that things will go back to how they have been at work. But don't stop your life for me—I don't deserve it."

She turned to walk away and he called out to her, "Neela?"

She turned to face him and all his words fell away. She was exhausted and not just physically but emotionally. She didn't need more complication in her life. She had _enough_ to deal with in the present. So, he took the cowards way out.

He smiled, "I'm on in a bit. Want to grab some lunch together in the cafeteria later?"

She nodded and turned to walk away. He watched her walk away until she turned a corner and he couldn't see her anymore. Then he turned back towards his apartment and sighed, not really interested in his guest and what they likely had to say about finding Neela there so early in the morning.

**It has been far too long and I apologize. Life has gotten in the way. But I plan on finishing this story and I've got it outlined. So, God willing, it will be. Thank you to all of you that have read this and the previous chapters and have remained interested.**


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